Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
