dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
