on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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