You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
