She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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