i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
