I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
