My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
