I wish I only lived at night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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