I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
