bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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