Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she smelled like a LAN party
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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