I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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