Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
