It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
