does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
