I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
