can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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