By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
