White coat. Heels.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
