I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize