Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
