Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
