dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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