P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
