Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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