What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
