After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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