Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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