My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
