Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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