You made me cry and you don't even care
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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