It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
