Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
