literally had 100 drinks last night.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
