If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
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Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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