and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
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She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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