Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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