That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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