And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
