the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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