Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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