gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
