But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
