1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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