your thong is hanging out like whoa
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
