Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
