Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
