if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
