Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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