Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
