i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
