i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
