Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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