Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
