i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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