evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
