why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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