just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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