singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
