he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
organizing the empties. That sober.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
