I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
