I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
foreskin is a definite game changer
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
