Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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