when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize