I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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