dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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