so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
