I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
