The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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