No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We need to get me chipped asap
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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