The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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