Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Are we still banned from the library?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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