I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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