My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
