By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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