Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
