This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
