my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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